


I'm Sorry.

by GoddessTiera



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-24 19:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13818168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoddessTiera/pseuds/GoddessTiera
Summary: Joker needs to talk to Shepard but it doesn't go exactly as planned.





	I'm Sorry.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [joufancyhuh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joufancyhuh/gifts).



> I had fun writing this and I hope you enjoy.

Joker wasn’t sure how long he had stood outside the door to Shepard’s cabin, waiting for the courage to request entry. He had been so determined to talk to her in private but now that he was here, he felt frozen. He had almost decided to make the long, slow walk back to the pilot’s seat when the door opened and Shepard gave him a quizzical look. “Hey Joker, I was just coming to see you. EDI said you needed to talk to me?” 

He silently both cursed and thanked the AI in his head. He was definitely gonna have another talk with them about boundaries though. 

“If you are busy, it can wait.” 

“Honestly the company would do me some good. We are facing horrible odds and sitting alone thinking about it isn’t helping, and it must be important if you voluntarily walked all the way to my cabin instead of having me come to you.” 

She waved him inside her quarters and he carefully followed her down the stairs to the couch. This was the first time he had been to her quarters, and he let out a low whistle at the size. 

“Guess it pays to be the boss.” 

Shepard just shrugged. “It feels like a bit much but it is nice to have this much privacy and space. The skylight took some getting used to though. I really don’t know what Cerberus was thinking. ‘Hey the Commander got spaced so she would obviously love a skylight.’ Someone had a funny sense of humor” She missed him cringing at the mention of her death.

They both took a seat, Joker sitting at one end while Shepard sat on the other, curling her feet under her. “So, what’s up?” 

Joker took a deep breath to steady his nerves. He’d had this conversation in his mind a thousand times but he now found himself in the unfamiliar territory of being at a loss for words. He couldn’t even bring himself to look up at her, keeping his head down and his eyes focused on his hands. Shepard watched him with curiosity as he continued to sit silently. “Joker? Is everything okay?” 

“I’m sorry,” the words spoken so softly that she almost missed them. 

“Sorry? What for?”

“I got you killed. If I had left when I was supposed to, if I hadn’t fought you, if I had listened to you a minute sooner you would have made it into the escape pod with me. I killed the woman I-,” he cut himself off, almost revealing too much. “I killed you and I can never make that up to you.”  
He heard her get up and move to sit next to him before she gently tilted his head up to look her in the eyes. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, his guilt written all over his face. “You didn’t kill me Joker. The Collectors did. You stayed at your post and bought us valuable time to evacuate. You saved lives.” 

He studied her face and knew she was being honest. He felt a huge weight lift off of him. She didn’t blame him. She didn’t blame him. He had blamed himself for so long and maybe if she didn’t blame him, he could finally forgive himself.

“What were you going to say before you backtracked?” 

Shit, shit, shit. He was hoping she wouldn’t catch his slip up. “Joker, Jeff. The woman you what?” 

Damn. He had never planned on telling her but he knew she wouldn’t give up. She was one of the stubbornest people he knew. After sighing heavily, he answered her. “The woman I love.” 

Shepard’s eyes grew wide at his words, clearly not expecting that. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you. I avoid fraternizing but you are such an amazing person and you have always treated me like any other person who served with you and how could I not fall for you. I just hope this won’t ruin our friendship because-” He was suddenly cut off when Shepard leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. When she pulled back it was his turn to stare wide eyed in surprise. 

What was that for?” Shepard just laughed and kissed him again. This time he kissed her back. His hand moving to cup her face gently. This time when they pulled apart, all he could manage was a “Wow.” 

“Yeah. Wow. Joker, I have had a thing for you for years. I know how you felt about fraternizing so I never made a move.”

“Well aren’t we a pair,” Joker said as he took her hand into his and threaded their fingers together.

“Do you wanna give this a try?” her tone hopeful.

Joker thought for a moment or rather, he pretended to think before pulling her close and kissing her again, pouring every ounce of his feelings for her into it. One of her hands slid his hat off and she began running her fingers in his hair while the other headed slightly south causing him to jump slightly. She immediately pulled back and started apologizing. “I am so sorry. Did I hurt you?” 

“No. You just startled me. It’s been a long time since anyone but me had a hand there.”

“Good. The last thing I wanna do is hurt you, but I am gonna need some help learning what’s okay. You got some time to teach me?” 

“EDI what is our current ETA?”

“Two hours Jeff.” 

“Thanks EDI. Yeah I think I can show you a thing or two.” He winked at her before pulling her into another kiss.


End file.
